Stranger Danger #travel #summer2017 #rubbertrampin #glampin #riskylizness
Bighorn sheep, May 27, 2017 in Slyvan Pass in Yellowstone National Park
Simply put, a vacation is a series of uncomfortable interactions with strangers. When playing the part of the tourist, I willingly throw myself into large crowds in small spaces so, of course, I'm going to have to talk to people that I don't know. I expect this, to a point. At times, I even embrace it during shared moments of wonder or to get some info about the place of exploration. Since we are on an extended road trip from Alaska, through Canada, and all over the north / central US, I have had more than my fair share so I have started to wonder: how might I limit these interactions?
While do I have some pretty strong stank face, it's only reactive, not preemptive like the infamous RBF. I've been googling images of RBF so that I can imitate and practice. However, if you weren't born with one of these looks, perfecting the stankface takes time. Now what about the other factors that draw people in for unwanted conversations?
I'm from ALASKA. People love this, it never gets old, it never ceases to amaze. With beautiful scenery, an abundance of natural resources and wildlife, national parks galore, weird folks and strange politics, how could one not be intrigued? While I could weed out all of my Alaska affiliated shirts from my wardrobe, I can't change my driver's licenses and banks cards, and driving on this trip really blew my cover. Early one morning at the Rushmore KOA a lady brought up the whole Alaska thing. I was about to lie to her so I could go back to drinking my coffee in peace when I realized that I was standing in front of my truck, next to the gleaming Yukon golden license plate glistening in the sun. Congratulations, Liz, you played yourself.
The second issue has been that I have the most precious, most handsome doggo ever (see previous post). We were able to bring Jem on this trip, but, dang it, if he isn't so well-behaved and so handsome people keep stopping us to pet him and ask us about him! It's a curse and a blessing. I wish I would have trained him with some secret word for a snarly growl to scare people away, because, bless his little heart, he is NOT a guard dog. Most of the time people just engage him on their own and his tail starts awaggin and then it's game over. I might have a shot at avoiding the situation if they ask to pet him first, but then we are back to me trying to be the bitch on the outside that I am on the inside. Can't do it.
The third issue: I am a woman. Now, I'm no supermodel, but, let's just be honest, most people that are out there fishing cast a wide net and creepers definitely don't have high standards. Neither are they discouraged by much (maybe a snarly dog?). Creepers love to talk to you when they know you're trapped too: on an airplane, in line at a store, or at a lonely gas station in remote Canada (see next photo below). It's general impression of a killer movie scene (dilapidated building next to an abandoned building, no phone service, hundreds of miles from anything) is only the beginning. There's no pay at the pump so I had to actually go inside, talk to a person, and leave them my credit card. Ugh. I got the gas going and then inquired about the restroom.
"Oh, yah, you take this key, go outside and walk across the parking lot to that shop, go in through the glass door, and, on the other side of the building is the washroom."
I was about to pee at pump number four, but then Robyn came in as well, so safety in numbers, right? First, we are careful to not let the cat outside. Then we scoot past about 37 big black garbage bags (THAT I REALLY HOPE HAD ACTUAL TRASH IN THEM AND NOT THE REMAINS OF LOST TRAVELERS) and make our way to the bathroom, that locked from the outside only. Wait, there's more. Inside of the bathroom, there was ANOTHER DOOR that was propped shut with a giant log. I can only assume that it led to the traveler's dungeon. We went real quick like and got out of there, back into the main building to return the key and complete our transaction. This is when safety in numbers became stranger danger in numbers. Creepy Canadian Gas Man was shuffling soda cans (probably filled with chloroform) around on his dusty shelves while talking way too loudly on the phone.
"Oh, yah, I just have to get this shirt. It says: Welcome to the MORNING WOOD Hotel. Ahahahaha! That's so great. MORNING WOOD....Hotel!" He glanced back over his shoulder to see if we had heard. Having two women in his store at one time was overwhelming. He could not contain himself. He repeated the story about seeing a customer with the shirt a second time, how he just had to have it, guffawed some more, then finally said he had to go. I'm 100% positive there was nobody on the other end of that line. Then he tried to chat us up as the printer screeches out the receipt at the speed of dial-up internet in 1995. Originally, we had planned on making our lunch there, but then we decided to get heckin out of there. It was safer to eat lunch in bear country.
The entrance to the Canadian creeper's creepy bathroom.
If I cannot change who I am, where I'm from, and what I am, then what can I do about all of these exchanges with strangers? Maybe if I don't like people that much I should just stay home, hmmmm? WRONG. National Parks were designed around the natural homes of animals. All the parks have signs like the one shown below. And every single time I am in a park trying to enjoy nature there are multiple assholes breaking the rules. Every single time. If being a 1400 pound, horned, mean-mugging bison doesn't stop strangers from approaching you then I don't know what will. Seriously. They are WILDlife. Not "wild" like back in college at a frat party, like literally wild as in untamed, uncontrolled, and unpredictable. Stranger Danger is a two- way street. We've all seen the pictures, videos, and articles when animals "attack" but that still doesn't make people leave the animals alone. So physically assaulting approaching strangers isn't really a viable solution.
One strategy that has surfaced out of many traveling experiences is to go to the places with people when there are no people! We came across the herd of bighorn sheep resting by the side of the road because we were out and about at 6am. That's how I was able to meet Charles the Bighorn up close and personal, without disturbing him or being disturbed. Because nothing says vacation like a 5am alarm!
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